Memories

Rooftops and singing songs with Durva….My childhood memories and lovely her…

Sophia balconies and sessions of crazy laughter …

Mom’s cakes...Her Lap and my naps... Papa’s constant pampering and gifts…Riding on Bhai’s shoulders and later on his Bajaj Scooter… Watching TV amongst family chatter..

Shanti ‘Bai’ and me; ‘her little BabyJi’… Bhai’s friends ; their naughty jokes, and me behaving coy..

Going to ‘Dreamland’ seemed so stylish… Riding pillion on a friend’s bike seemed so stylish…

Wearing Papa’s T Shirts seemed so cool… Riding on Kinetic (Sukriti, Nidhi, Amrit, where are those dumb vehicles?) , we looked like fools !!

Discussing ‘Cosmo..’ was a total Rage… Meenakshi  scolding us for not acting our Age..

Deeksha, Her Zen and Civil Lines… Her moral stories and my scorn on why she acts “divine??”

There was goodness in the smile, there was hope with every mile…
Those colorful days have flown away…. Their memories however, will always stay…
What went on after that is not worth it my friend…. Coz  life dint allow to remain innocent... It grilled us and dried some roots...
Those days saw us chirpy, saw us mad, taught us nothing… just left us glad… Left us craving…

 

Hurts have made me what I wasn’t

Hurts have made me stronger, only because they’ve made me fearless..

Hurts have made me phlegmatic, because they’ve made me trade off Joy for Normalcy

Hurts have made me closer to my silhouette … Coz’ they’ve taught me that only, and only, a Mother will hold your darkest truths, in a hidden closet… No One Else

Hurts have made me Ignorant… and that maybe is, because they’ve made me tenacious….Indifferent to scorn and sarcasm

Hurts have made me introspective… Only because they’ve made me ‘alone’, leaving ample ‘me-time’..

Dear Hurts… I wonder what was your ulterior plan in playing with my ‘Being’..

But eventually you’ve made me what I wasn’t…. Left me pondering whether I am happy with this or not !!!

Ode to Promiscuity and the Karmic Cycle

Its a Karmic cycle indeed!!  When ONE  is incapacitated with the need for emotional/ physical betrayal. . When ONE shakes up, for the OTHER,  the ‘only thing’ which is so difficult to maintain- normalcy. .

Karmic because these actions are really, mental patterns. . which we need to repeat because they leave deep impressions on our karma. . . and in one way or the other, nature creates replica situations for you to give manifestations to promiscuous karma, yet again . . . N we give in !!! Just to create fresh impressions and fresh Karma. . .

So as an afterthought , Dear Promiscuity, here’s my Ode to you and to the surge you cause ( on a mental, physical, psychological level for the ‘One’ and the ‘Other’ too)

You are devilish definitely, as you teach us suavely, the power of regressive emotions. . .

 You are kind indeed,  as you eventually make the ‘OTHER’ rise above their own karmic gyrations around trust, loyalty and connectedness. . .

You come with a special garb. . .under which the ‘ONE’ hibernates till self-suffocation. . .

And eventually, makes the OTHER lifeless too !!

Please share with us, from which Elf do you draw your strength. . .

Can you convey to your Elf friend, “earthly creatures need some genuine love too”!!

Which elixir do you drink??

How does it empower you to pop up and spoil varied karmic cycles??

Since you have such damaging influence on happiness , how do you manage to find temporary bliss?

You might want to hear sometime, from my friends Positivity, Bonding and Faith..

They might convince you that peace is in collectedness of the self...

Finally, Promiscuity, to you I just say: Shaking hands with joy, which comes without emotion- twisting, can also be a delight. .

May you soon RIP (Rest In Peace)

Its about “POWER” Blogging !!!

Wow that’s a powerful headline I ve managed to create. Its completely inspired by the current drift of everything towards becoming “POWER” . So we have “POWER” Yoga; n “POWER” Diets; “POWER” Naps; “POWER” Dressing n am sure, many non-significants are in the pipeline to finally receive the “POWER” status:- like “POWER” Kissing; “POWER” Sex; “POWER” Cocktails; “POWER” namedropping; “POWER” breasts; “POWER” periods…Its Crazy !!!
My innocent, conventional dad too, got confused about this “POWER” trend. In one of his forthcoming meetings( It was some Government organisation’s tender opening ceremony), he was asked to make a powerpoint presentation about his company and its achievements.. N he called me, pretending to be Mr Know-All, n asked me that this definitely means that “ the way I present my company’s journey till now, must have some “POWER” right?” I felt like jumping out of the phone line and hugging him tight for his innocence.
What papa said was innocence, but what we, the more smart, aware and fancy people say, when we talk about this “POWER” jazz, is pretence.
Usually, when we are verbose and using these “high-flying” newly coined phrases, we are doing it so sound in vogue, without really comprehending any meaning out of the same. And I guess I am no expectation to this.”
3 days back, I went out “clubbing” (yeah yeah, this too is amongst the fancy words!) with gang of Firangi Indians and the one special character in this crowd was ‘Amaya’.
He was 20 yrs n claimed that he was a hard-core socialite. Poor him, still dint learn the rules of the game. Its “POWER” socialite, my boy, not hard core.
With his hair, gelled to match a porcupine, his accent absolutely fake and his rider boots, he seemed to me like a complete dement. Oops “POWER” dement.
His kisses in the air, his namedropping techniques; his “Hindi Gaalis”(even that’s a trend now.. We need to speak choicest of abuses, in Hindi, to add a dash of the ‘dude-effect’) and his pride about his gluttony with regards to alcohol, made him a “perfect socialite” but what he forgot perhaps, is that the insecurity from which this behavior is stemming, is visible to a few cynics like me.
Cutting the long story short, my point is that we are all insecure about something or the other. And to camouflage the same, we go all out, doing the things in vogue, using fancy phrases in our conversation, taking about “Charlie” and snorting n weed, talking about Goa and S.F.O and hopelessly, (even maybe unconsciously) we try to prove ourselves better, or at least more well-turned-out than the others. So today I pledge to myself, I wont get into the same grind again, I have FINALLY become aware that I too do the same and I will go about bringing a change in myself.
I would make sure that its such a bloody “POWER” change that “it wont even be funny man”. (OOPSY, here I go again!!!)

Musical Me...

Theory of unconscious association which seemed vague during Psychology lectures in college, seem to make sense now...and this I realised while driving my car and listening to Music...
many times, a certain song, reminds me of a person , an incident or an emotion...Different genres of Music can manage to stir, within me ,different feelings...Only toady, i was feeling down n lost n after listening to some blabber on the radio, i slipped in a CD that played a mix of dark n morning trance....It reminded me of my friend Nikunj and my thoughts drifted to those mindless dance sessions and private parties, where we danced with no specific steps for hours together...
The beats of the morning and euro trance seem like a lullaby...it actually lulls me and slows the speed of my thoughts and gives me some peace while letting my extra active analytical side, rest... N then when the progression happens to Dark and then to Psychedelic, i can sense a spread of extreme energy and feel some blood rush... i remember the time when, without any chemicals, or drugs i would jump and keep jumping till i am tired.... Once a 5 year old child made me realise that music and the energy it transmits, is innate within us... This child and me were home alone when i turned on the music system and played the artist Astrix. we started to dance and she jumped and swinged and laughed so freely. I could feel her delight through her eyes that were shining with joy and telling me" Bua , dont just stand, dance na". and we both started to dance..She reminded me of the Ravers i had danced with..her head swinging left to right, every 5th second she jumped , waving her arms in the air...thumpoing her feet and walking back and forth inventing her own new dance steps....sheer celebration of life..... N i felt astonished that junkies take artifical substances to induce this state of oblivion and innocence ,which we are anyway born with....
Even while i listen to sissy romantic songs, i have random associations... This song from Yalgaar " Aakhir tumhe aana hai..." reminds me of B2B nights and Atul dancing with a big smile and innocent steps which only he can do.... "Girls just wanna have fun" by Cindy Lauper reminds me of my mother who would put this on while i was 3 or 4 years old and swing to it in her black night gown, when only me n her would be home...."Lady" reminds me of that Feburary night at Nahargarh, hill top, brezze ruffling our hair, and we all were so drunk that we were laughing at the fact that we dint know how we would drive down from the hilly track...."Bang-Bang" by Rammstein reminds me of the head banging session , where i was lying on the couch and felt that i am swinging in the air and the drums of this hard rock song, are pumping energy gushes into my system...
All these associations bring a silent smile on my face ..reminds me of the zest inside me to let loose, enjoy, celebrate..... Music teaches me, through all its beats and moods tht life is a celebration and the top most thing in my wish list is to do all i can to enjoy it , celebrate it and laugh aloud and laugh more and jump and smile and dance.... La la la.....

Even I am a Pseudo !!!

So finally festival time is here...N everyone seems upbeat n enthusiastic about the same.... N i think they r all pseudo... pretended to be so happy about festivities n cribbing because the work in the kitchen increases... Praying to Goddess Laxmi n not even remembering to fold hands in the pooja ghar in the house, atleast once a week...
But the icing on the cake is that i have finally accepted the fact that EVEN I AM A PSEUDO...
So here is KarvaChauth...n Ms A ; wants to flaunt her diamond earrings ( courtesy husband) n bangles n clothes n blah blah blah....n i feel its kind of wierd to show off your gold n diamond n platinum .... but anyway, here i am , decked up in kanjiwaram silk, n diamond necklace n all.... First Karvachauth after all !!! seems like I am just out of a wild life sanctuary... N poor my husband, had to fast with me , else i would have had a swollen face( how he dreads it!!) n then when everyone would flaunt( yet again) that their husbands are fasting with them.... what would i say n feel... so poor my Pseudo husband had to support his pseudo wife in her endeavour to prove herself one-up...n ya an important question " What did u get as a gift, from your husband, on your first Karva Chauth"?? n then all women go blah blah blah with their list.... N fake me, i too gave a list... n felt patheic about it ... Gifts were there, but not from husband, n not for this occasion... N i did not want to force him to gift n all, just so that i am supplied with a "rich-enough" answer to give to everyone.... N then all these women make u feel so dejected n unloved, as if the whole world is being showered on them n only the"not- so -flaunty- non-punjabi-ones" like me, who like to keep it simple, are such fools. N then my pseudo spirit rises up and comes to the surface n makes me say n flaunt n make me feel miserable about my own self....
N then there is Diwali.... I love crackers u know !!! n i love all the fun-frolic n all.. But after all, i have my concerns for Global Warming, how can i burn Crackers( Oh, Some Polite Applause for me OldChap !)
So i wont burn crackers this time, n no masti also... i have reasons to quote but the fact is that they are fake... Now, what can the families in Metros do, nuclear, no cousins around, no time , no enthusiasm, no friend circles.... But then, the PROUD PSEUDO SPIRIT OF MINE, has already decided her reasons , which would make me sound so intellectual n the very few who would read this blog, would know that i have accepted this fact and have come to terms with my negative emotions like Jealousy, Nostalgia, Irritation , Ego....blah blah blah

God is not in temples !!!

Its when some incident or some person silences the chirping inside you, silences the song in you that you yearn to find God... Instead of trying to find God in white marble floored temples we just need to visit a hospital....
Its in those corridors and rooms filled with IV tubes, blood stains, medicine smells and injections that we see how people relate to God the most. With every wail and cry, with every prescription that the doctor writes , with every wheel chair being pushed towards the opertaion theatre and with every sign of recovery the patients make, God is remembered...
No temple can evoke the desperation of those eyes praying in the hospital..No temple can jolt us into believeing that there is a higher self ,just like a saved ,dear one, at the hospital can do...

I guess its human...To be oblivious about things until it hits us on our face... And so we remain oblivious to the fact that just visiting the temple doesnt connect us to God... Its the faith, its the patience, its the hope and most importantly, its the Karma that allowes glimpses of the higher self...
And thats coz , its never a power seperate from us, its all in us, just waiting for us to awaken and get in touch with it..